Kingdom Surrender Part 3: Respect| Paztuh Mike & Anna Elisabeth Wuebbles
- May 31
- 5 min read
Kingdom Surrender: Respect
Do I have to respect my husband?
Why does it matter?
Isn’t love enough?
Why does the Bible command wives to respect their husbands?
Does respect mean we have to agree on everything?
As believers, we can find it difficult to navigate personal experience, secular messaging, and the truth of God’s Word. In modern culture, respect has become a confusing topic, especially in marriage. Yet Scripture is clear: God calls wives to respect their husbands and husbands to love their wives.
As the Scriptures say, “So again I say, each man must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband” (Ephesians 5:33, NLT).
In Lesson 3 of the Kingdom Surrender series, Paztuh Mike and his wife, Anna Elisabeth, discuss what respect means from a biblical perspective, both in marriage and in the broader context of how men and women are called to honor one another.
Men and women are called to honor one another, and in marriage, a husband’s love and a wife’s respect should flow from reverence for God.
Ladies, whether single or married, are you ready to heal from the past, forgive, and embrace the truth of God’s Word?
Married men, are you willing to love your wife sacrificially?
Single men, are you preparing now to honor and value women well so you can love your future wife faithfully?
Kingdom Surrender: The Biblical Foundation of Respect in Marriage
Introduction
The Posture of Praise: True worship is a decision, not a reaction. You cannot wait for a feeling to praise God; faith requires stepping out in thanksgiving even when weighed down by burdens.
The Gentle Nature of Conviction: God does not force transformation. He is a gentleman who brings conviction to invite us into change, leaving it up to our free will to surrender our hearts.
Submission as Alignment: True submission is not about forced domination or control. It is a voluntary, spiritual alignment rooted in a reverence for Christ.
As we recognize that our surrender begins vertically with God, we can then begin to understand how it manifests horizontally in our relationships.
"If you're waiting on a feeling, it may never show up."
1. The True Meaning of Biblical Respect (Ephesians 5:33)
The Foundational Command: Ephesians 5:33 summarizes a key kingdom dynamic: husbands must love their wives sacrificially, and wives must respect their husbands.
The Root of Respect: The Greek word for respect used in Ephesians equates to the Old Testament concept of the "fear of the Lord." True respect for a spouse demands a foundational reverence for God.
Love vs. Respect: Loving a spouse often comes naturally, but biblical respect requires treating them with high regard, deference, and honor—even in disagreements.
The Husband's Calling: Ephesians 5:25-26 challenges husbands to love like Christ by laying down their lives, washing their wives with the word, and leading them spiritually, rather than ruling by controlling.
Understanding what biblical respect truly looks like exposes the subtle ways our modern culture teaches us to undermine it.
2. Cultural Traps That Destroy Honor
The Poison of Sarcasm: Proverbs 26:18-19 and Ephesians 5:4 warn against masking malice with coarse joking. Sarcasm is often a tool used to express hidden negativity, breeding distrust and building relational walls.
The Danger of Venting: Proverbs 21:19 cautions against being a quarrelsome complainer. Constantly venting about a spouse's flaws to friends or family dishonors them and ruins their reputation to the outside world.
The "Raising Him" Mentality: Secular society wrongly trains women to find a man they can "mold" or "raise" like a child. This directly contradicts God's design, which places the husband in a position to cover and help the wife grow spiritually.
Rejecting Wise Counsel: Deflecting a spouse’s God-given wisdom or practical solutions by demanding only emotional coddling can actively stunt mutual growth.
Shedding these cultural habits requires more than just willpower; it demands a deep healing of the heart.
"You can protect your brokenness from freedom."
3. Healing Past Wounds to Walk in Freedom
The Barrier of Unforgiveness: A present inability to respect a spouse is often deeply rooted in past trauma, unforgiveness, or broken trust with previous male figures, such as fathers or past partners.
The Illusion of Earning Respect: Claiming that someone "has to earn respect" is often a defense mechanism used to guard against an old wound. While trust must be built, showing honor reflects our obedience to God, not merely a reaction to human perfection.
The Courage to Repent: True freedom means stopping the rejection of biblical counseling and community help. We must step out of our comfort zones, acknowledge our faults, and allow God to pull up the root of bitterness.
When we realize that our own strength is insufficient to heal these deep wounds, we must turn to the only source capable of changing our desires.
"Truth is God's way. Regardless of what you've been through and what has happened, truth is God's way."
Conclusion
God’s Enabling Power: Philippians 2:12-13 promises that God gives us both the desire and the power to do what pleases Him. We do not have to manufacture respect or forgiveness in our own flesh.
The Reward of Reverence: Proverbs 31:30-31 reminds us that outward charm and beauty fade, but a person whose life is anchored in the fear of the Lord will be truly praised.
Choosing Surrender: Whether you are single, married, or divorced, you are called to drop your defenses, reject isolation, and surrender to God's healing process.
To actively apply these theological truths to your daily walk, take some time to process the following questions.
Reflection & Discussion Questions
Is there an area in your life where you are waiting for a "feeling" before you choose to praise, forgive, or show respect?
Have you unknowingly adopted cultural habits like sarcasm, constant venting, or treating your spouse (or others) like a child? How can you pivot to a posture of honor?
Who in your past do you need to forgive so that their previous actions no longer dictate your present ability to trust and respect?
In what specific ways can you invite God, through Philippians 2:13, to change your desires and empower you to submit to His will this week?
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